nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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