my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
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