so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
she was so not down for the gang bang
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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