Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
