I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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