So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
