I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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