My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Randomize
