Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
