So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
where am i from again
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
