Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
