it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
