I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
