sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
