so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
