Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
