True but thats because hes a fetus.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
