I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
