He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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