I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
