well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
