I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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