I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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