Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
