I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
