my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
