Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Someone came in the potted fern
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
