Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
