Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
