Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
This is the high leading the old right now
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
