You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
