i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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