so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
