I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
