i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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