i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
