The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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