people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
