I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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