Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
and you fell through a lawn chair
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
