i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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