Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
