you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
