as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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