Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
