3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
