I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
