I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
