It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Randomize
