Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
