i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
