I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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