i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
