So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
