I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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