I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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