ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
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