I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
