Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
