I feel great
I just peed on a car
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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