Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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