he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
