Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
