so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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