Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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