Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
