tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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