What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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