I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
