My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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