OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
