Your favorite bartender is back from prision
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
