it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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