He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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