I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
