i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
