i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I'm passing your future prison.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
