btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
