I swear she didn't look like that last week.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
