i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Randomize
