You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
