i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize