It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
