I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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